Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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