the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
