im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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