Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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