plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
