im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
