The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
