You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Panties = found
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
