Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
