I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
