Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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