Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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