i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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