so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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