I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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