I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
