The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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