If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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