it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think my moral compass just broke
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
