Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
