A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Drake has all the answers
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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