I got chris browned last night
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
