Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
