so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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