A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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