my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
When did angry sex become our thing?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
why is half of my head shaved?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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