So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
