went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
