its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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