She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
