He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
