i don't like sucking hair
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
