I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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