I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
