We're like a lot better than the average bears
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
