i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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