How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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