The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Randomize
