we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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