Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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