Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
