I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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