Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
