I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
