I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
