I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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