so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
