Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
