Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Did I show you my penis last night?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
