jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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