Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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