so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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